I wrote a post today, oh boy
I’m just a drunken man who made some grades
And though the post was rather bad
Well, I just had to laugh
I tried to grade the draft
I lost my mind ‘bout Cameron Carr
I didn’t notice who got Stirtz and Swain
I got Onyenso turned around
With Zuby Ejiofor
Nobody was really sure who drafted Yaxel Lendeborg
I watched some film today, oh boy
On Wagler, Flemings, Acuff, Philon, Brown
A crowd of point guards lotto bound
But I just had to look
To see which one Sac took
I’d love to tu-u-u-u-u-u-u-rn thi-i-i-i-i-i-i-s o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ff
Woke up, gotta prevent
Them overdrafting Nate Ament
Found my way online and read a mock
It looked like Ok-para was ranked too low
Read that Koa’s stock was flat
Chris Cenac was not all that
Found my way up top, it’s AJ who?
And number two was Darryn Peterson
Boo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-zer!
I saw the lids today, oh boy
Some sixty team hats on the Barclay’s stage
And though the hats were rather small
They had to wear them all
Now they know the size of hat it takes to fit Tobi Lawal
I’d love to tu-u-u-u-u-u-u-rn thi-i-i-i-i-i-i-s o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ff
OK, sorry, I don’t know what got into me. (Never could be any other way!) This is usually where I whine about the weather and tell you what’s on the TV in the background and what’s in the glass beside me. But, you know, sometimes you get the idea to name your post with a pun on a classic song title and kind of realize you have to follow through. For the record, I didn’t write that the same night I did the grades. My word. It takes me like at least five hours to write up the grades themselves…no, I wrote that thing on May 31st because, you know, I was bored that night. (OK, honestly I had intended to do some light reading and then that plan went up in smoke.) Actually, it’s pretty good, and my only regret is that Keyshawn Hall didn’t get drafted because his name would have fit even better in the hat verse. That said, Tobi Lawal was one of only ten guys who attended the Day 2 Green Room so we literally got to see him wear a hat on stage so I am SO not complaining. Also I’d like to note that I didn’t really get anything badly wrong about draft order – AJ/Peterson/Boozer fell out just as the song needed them to; of the listed PGs only Philon didn’t go lottery, and even then I didn’t exactly expect him to; Koa and Cenac both fell too far.
But of course, it is just a bit after 8; I’ve got the windows open because it’s already nice and cool and outside of that one heat wave I was out of town for, the A/C hasn’t even come on this entire year; I’ve got a full bottle of wine that I don’t intend to finish because I’m supposed to go see mom tomorrow; there’s MTV Classic playing on the TV; and it’s time to write up some grades! Just in case you needed to know.
Additionally, “Well, I had two weeks of vacation time coming after working all year down at Big Roy’s Heating and Plumbing”, so a while back I decided to go through and update the NBA logos once again. These new logos are pretty slick, and WordPress, for all of their incessant tinkering that normally makes things worse did manage to make the image replacement process pretty easy. So I resized ’em, too! (Technically, the new images came in at “big” whereas the old ones were already at 150×150 native so it was important to resize them anyway.) So, I’ve set them to be a tiny bit bigger (width = 200 pixels) which should slightly improve your viewing pleasure, especially as they are now nice and sharp relative to recent versions. I did notice that some of the images have a transparent background and some have a white background…not much I can (or at least not much I’m gonna) do about that. Double-side-note: WordPress also has some updates that allow me to lump each team’s full write-up into a group and then drag-and-drop for grade placement. I’ve literally been cut-and-pasting from the code editor for (checks post title) 15 years and now there’s something better! Yay! Maybe I’ll be less grumpy in my grade write-ups. (Maybe I’ll be less grumpy in my grade write-ups because this is a really, really nice draft by all appearances.)
This year the big buzz coming into the draft was the question of if (or, if we gauge the reports correctly, “where”) Giannis was going to be traded. 24 hours before the draft – still nada. 19.5 hours before the draft? BOOM. Miami is the big winner, and that being a draft-associated trade will be discussed at the appropriate places below.
(The following paragraphs don’t change much from year to year, because why mess with success? So much success!)
As always, pre-draft trades, no matter when they happen, get included here as it’s basically the same difference. Also, trades agreed to before/during the draft that can’t be executed until after the draft pretty much need to be included here. And yes, this is true even for trades that don’t include a draft pick. But once the draft is over, we’re done. These are Draft Grades, not Free Agency Grades, though the new NBA policy of allowing teams to negotiate with their own free agents following the end of the NBA Finals – and the agreed-upon contracts announced before the draft – does throw a bit of a wrench into that whole thing.
When players are traded, I will list contract values to aid in consideration of how good/bad the contracts were, e.g. “Dude McHanging (2/$17.5g)”. The number of years listed is the maximum contract length (including team/player options) unless I am convinced an option will not be picked up. Money is in megabucks, a “g” by the money indicates a guaranteed total when some money is in question or may be dropped. If I’m convinced an option will be picked up by either the player or the team, I’ll just act as if there’s no unguaranteed money. In the case of a traded pick, I will do my best to keep track of where the pick came from.
Several years ago I added a tiny piece of info to the assets listings. After evaluating methods of determining how much value any given draft pick has, I decided to use the values from a gentleman named Nick Restifo, who used the best two-year VORP over each drafted player’s career to determine the value of each draft slot. Using Nick’s values I have added up each team’s relative draft value, and then normalized that to a percentage value – interestingly this year the Wizards do come out with the highest draft value despite having very little to go along with their #1 overall pick. I’ve included this value as (DV xx%) following the listed picks.
Just like always, and unlike the pansies who normally do draft grades, sitting around giving the same damn grade to everybody (oh, that’s an “A”, and that’s an “A”…) I’m going to grade the fricking thing on a hard, hard curve. 30 teams, that means 6 As, 6 Bs, 6 Cs, 6 Ds, and 6 Fs. Two plusses and two minuses for each grade except F, because what asshole gives out an F+? YOU FAILED. NO CONSOLATION PLUS FOR YOU. Also, no fucking S-tier. What the fuck is that shit? (Hilariously, in this strong draft year my placeholder grades failed miserably. I ended up with 5 As, 5 Bs, 3 Cs, 6 Ds, and 11 Fs…I guess I was a bit overcompensating for the strength of the draft!) And rather than rip apart a team for having only second round picks, I’m going to grade based on what the team had going into the draft, and what they had going out of it. Get it? Got it? Good. Here goes.
The Grades:
Sacramento Kings
Grade: A+?
Assets Coming In: #7, #34, #45 (DV 59%, 9th), 2032 2nd
Assets At The End Of The Day: Darius Acuff Jr. (#7), Alex Karaban (#29), Emanuel Sharp (#45)
Obligatory Commentary: Whew! Sometime in February I determined that Darius Acuff Jr. was the clear frontrunner in the “doesn’t make his way into the top-4” race. To be fair, because he’s a ball-dominant player, and because Darryn Peterson had such a disappointing season, there was an argument to consider Acuff as high as second in this draft. But as we all (except John Calipari, the best hype-man in the known universe) knew, he wasn’t even in the discussion until #5. After the Kings fell to #7 in the lottery there was still a hope that Acuff might last to them, because he was blocked by Garland on the Clippers and by Demin/Traore/Saraf on the Nets. The Kings very obviously wanted Acuff (GM Scott Perry had a previous relationship with him due to coaching his father at the college level many, many years ago), and Acuff’s team very clearly wanted Sacramento because there was a wide-open path to be the starter from day one. A match made in heaven! Still, a kid who can basically do everything but defend had to fall past two teams who would be dumb to pass on him, and who would likely also be dumb to pass on the trade proposals they were going to get to move down allowing somebody else to move up and nab him. Somehow, Scott Perry stood firm and refused to move up to get his guy (I’m not sure I’d have had the cojones to do it!) and in the end he got him. I think we’re going to be very happy. I think Acuff is going to be the best PG to come through Sacramento when all is said and done, and we’ve had Fox and Bibby and J-Will and Tyreke’s ROY campaign. I was 100% in the Acuff camp despite fan factions favoring each of the other three PG options at #7, most notably Flemings. But I was pretty convinced that by the time the 6th pick came through on draft night I’d be disappointed. I wasn’t the only one. You can look it up, but the cheer that went up in the Golden One Center watch party crowd when the Nets passed on Acuff for Brown was deafening. We all knew. We all knew, bro. After securing the future franchise PG, Scott Perry went out and traded up to secure ultimate glue guy Alex Karaban. Karaban is a rarity – a guy I cheered returning to college last year because we didn’t have a pick in range to grab him. This year, we got him, and I’m ecstatic. Karaban is not destined to be a star by any means, but he’s just such a solid rotation player that you can’t refuse. Finally, there’s Sharp. While he didn’t exactly fit the front office’s list of roles they were looking to fill (point guard: check; movement shooter: check; size/bulk at forward: ???) he’s a solid defender who spent much of his senior season at Houston guarding the 3 despite being the shortest of the three guards in the Cougars’ staring lineup. Sharp is strong and tough, a relentless defender, and a great shooter. In the NBA, he’s going to be a guard, and he fits that role perhaps even better than he fit the role of a SF in college. What with Flemings and Cenac around I never watched a single game with Sharp in mind, but he stole the show far too often for it to be a fluke. What a dead-on draft. Couldn’t have been better. This is the moment. This is when we turned it around. I’m calling it.
Milwaukee Bucks
Grade: A+
Assets Coming In: #10 (DV 36%, 14th), Giannis Antetokounmpo (2/$121), Bobby Portis (2/$30), $$$
Assets At The End Of The Day: Brayden Burries (#10), Nate Ament (#13), Malique Lewis (#60), Tyler Herro (1/$33), Jaime Jaquez (1/$6), Kel’el Ware (2/$12), Kasparas Jakucionis (3/$14), 2030 1st (MIA, swap), 2031 1st (MIA), 2033 1st (MIA), 2033 2nd (MIA)
Obligatory Commentary: Well…that was a haul. Sure, Herro is expiring and might head anywhere after this year, but Jaquez is going to be an RFA, they’ve got two years of Ware before he’s an RFA, and three years of Jakucionis before the same. On top of that they got #13 in this deep draft, two further unprotected first rounders, and a swap. That’s an absolute haul. When you have to trade away one of the best players in the game, that’s the way you do it. And with that return, they probably stay out the relegation zone on top of that. This is a quick, quick reboot out of a forced hand. Love it. The draft is all about the future for the Bucks. I’m not all that high on Burries – I think he turns out to be a mid-tier starting SG – but he’s still a piece that can contribute in the future. But Nate Ament…this is about the best landing spot I can imagine. I’ve been quoted as saying that Nate Ament is the one player in this draft that is sure to get a GM fired – either the GM that drafted him or one that passed on him, and I don’t know which. It all comes down to whether he never fulfills his promise and washes out or whether he ends up as a smooth-shooting athletic SF with extra height and length in a Durant-lite mode. I don’t know which it is, but I do know that Milwaukee post-Giannis is about the best place for him to determine which road he’s going down. I was fully prepared to completely harsh whichever team drafted Ament, but Milwaukee, rebuilding for sure and sitting on two-and-a-half Miami picks that promise to be worth a ton once Giannis ages out of his championship window, is exactly the team to develop him with basically no fear of downside and all hope of upside. Additionally the Bucks bought back into Mr. Irrelevant to pick up…Malique Lewis? Look, I don’t get it. If they didn’t take him he would have been available as a UDFA. This is like paying an upfront fee to join the Columbia Record Club. Ah, fuck it, Milwaukee gets an A+ anyway.
Miami Heat
Grade: A
Assets Coming In: #13, #41 (DV 35%, 15th), Tyler Herro (1/$33), Jaime Jaquez (1/$6), Kel’el Ware (2/$12), Kasparas Jakucionis (3/$14), 2030 1st (MIA, swap), 2031 1st (MIA), 2033 1st (MIA), 2033 2nd (MIA), $$$
Assets At The End Of The Day: Ryan Conwell (#37), Giannis Antetokounmpo (2/$121), Bobby Portis (2/$30)
Obligatory Commentary: This is a tough one. On the bright side, Giannis has become the latest top-5 NBA player to make his way to South Beach. Shaq, LeBron, Bosh, Butler…and I’m probably forgetting somebody somewhere along the line (Wade doesn’t count as Miami actually drafted him). It must be nice to have that kind of pull. And – let’s not forget – he’s Giannis. On the other hand, Miami’s cupboard is now looking kind of barren. They’re paying over 65% of their salary cap for Giannis and Bam alone. But to go along with those guys they’ve got Andrew Wiggins, Jovic, Portis, Davion…and not much. They’re something like $20M over the salary cap and they don’t actually have a full rotation. They don’t actually have a proper SG, and they kind of don’t have a proper PG (given they have Giannis they don’t really need one, but still…that G rotation is Davion and pray you can find somebody to stay in front of anybody on the perimeter). Now, I’m sure they’ll work something out by the end of the offseason, but launching themselves into the Contention Seat is going to be costly and almost certainly have very negative repercussions in the future. They’ve probably got a two-year window with Giannis at age-32 and age-33 and then – ziiiiiiip! – their fly is going to be open for five years or so. They have to make the absolute most of it right now. Still, you don’t get to trade for Giannis and not get an A. Sorry, I don’t make the rules. (Fine, they’re my draft grades, I do make the rules. Fuck you.) Outside of their huge trade Miami didn’t have anything left to be done except to draft Ryan Conwell, the senior Louisville guard who sometimes made you forget about Mikel Brown Jr. being his teammate. Much better defender. Good shooter. Nice energy. Nothing resembling a starting guard in the NBA. And being drafted at #37, that’s fine. Really, this grade is all about Giannis. Miami is going to be walking a thin line trying to win a chip before Giannis washes out, but, bro, shoot your shot.
Philadelphia 76ers
Grade: A
Assets Coming In: #22 (DV 17%, 21st)
Assets At The End Of The Day: Labaron Philon Jr. (#22)
Obligatory Commentary: Look, I’m a big, big fan of Labron Philon. He’s got the best handle I’ve seen in college basketball for the last several years at least, he can shoot, and he can run an offense with some of the better pocket passes, again, in the last several years. At #22 you get that guy? I had him #1 on my PG list behind the Acuff/Brown/Wagler trio. My only reservation here is that Philon’s probably going to be stuck behind Tyrese Maxey for the foreseeable future and I really just want to see him cook. Welp. Still a great pickup at #22.
Washington Wizards
Grade: A-
Assets Coming In: #1, #51, #60 (DV 100%, 1st)
Assets At The End Of The Day: AJ Dybantsa (#1), Felix Okpara (#46)
Obligatory Commentary: Look. Despite my insistence that this was a strong draft, and despite my reticence to award a good grade to a team that has the #1 pick overall, I’ve found a lot of ways to shit all over the other various selections in this draft. I can’t do that for the Wizards here. AJ was pretty obviously the #1 player in the draft, and the Wizards didn’t succumb to any sort of retarded temptation about Darryn Peterson, they just took him. Now, I’m not going to defend the fact that they resigned Trae Young for twice what he’s worth, but neither will I penalize them for it as that’s not the function here. I fully expect that by game one of the ’27-’28 season AJ is going to be the on-ball point forward for the Wizards and Trae is going to be chopped liver. AJ is the future of the Wizards, and with a panoply of distractors in the top-4 the Wizards found their way to him anyway. That’s worth an A, even if they did have the #1 overall pick. (Also, fucking I can’t lie, with the new alphabetical order the Wiz are the dead last team I’m grading, I’m drunk off my ass, and despite all that I think I’ve given out only about three A’s so far – in a ruthlessly strong draft – and something’s gotta give. Man, I thought with the strength of this draft I’d be forgiving, but apparently my true colors shine through that mud. Fuck all y’all. Y’all suck.)
Boston Celtics
Grade: A-
Assets Coming In: #27, #40 (DV 19%, 18th)
Assets At The End Of The Day: Chris Cenac Jr. (#27), Dillon Mitchell (#40)
Obligatory Commentary: Somehow the Celtics came into the draft without Giannis and they came out of the draft without Giannis and it still feels like they’re the losers here. Well, they are the losers. And do you know why? Because they apparently had a Jaylen Brown deal with the Bucks that got blown up because they didn’t want to include Hugo Gonzalez (3.9 PPG) and Baylor Scheierman (5.5 PPG). Timofey Mozgov, step aside! There’s a new stumbling block in town! (And, to be fair, Mozgov eventually was included in the Carmelo Anthony trade…) But, in the end, I think it’s really hard to penalize a team in their draft grades for a trade they didn’t make. What the Celtics DID do is they nabbed a kid who kinda moves like Horford (and is probably an inch taller!) but whose stock was in the tank for reasons that I don’t really know. Cenac isn’t ready, but he rebounds like a monster and the stroke looks really workable and I had him late-lottery on my Vague Board™, so I’m figuring there must be something hidden in his medicals or personal file that DQs him. Still, he’s an incredible value at #27 and I think there’s going to be at least a solid handful of teams that regret passing on him in five years.
Los Angeles Lakers
Grade: B+
Assets Coming In: #25 (DV 14%, 22nd), $$$ and more $$$
Assets At The End Of The Day: Cameron Carr (#24)
Obligatory Commentary: The Lakers ended up pulling a couple of trades on draft night, but in the end it all translated to them spending a lot of money to move up one spot in the draft to snatch the dropping Cameron Carr. Now, early in the season all the mocks had Baylor’s Tounde Yessoufou well above Carr (if Carr was on them at all) but watching the games I was easily convinced that Carr was the better player. And sure enough, Yessoufou dropped out of the draft (and into the portal) and Carr made his way into the first round, even if it was a bit lower than he probably deserved. Is Carr The Answer? No. But he’s a two-guard with good size and athleticism and I think he’s going to carve out a good career. I don’t know if the Lakers had to move up one spot to grab him, but I think they’ll be reasonably happy they did.
Phoenix Suns
Grade: B+
Assets Coming In: #47 (DV 5%, 27th), 2029 2nd, 2033 2nd
Assets At The End Of The Day: Koa Peat (#30)
Obligatory Commentary: It took two second round picks, but the Suns were able to trade up into the last pick of the first round and grab the plummeting Koa Peat on a four-year guaranteed deal. Now, let’s be clear, Peat’s representation completely failed him here because he’d have made double what he’s going to make in the NBA next year had he returned to Arizona, and he’d have been able to compete for a championship. But, hey, I guess he gets to move 90 minutes north and trade the epic street hot dogs for the hopes of rising from the ashes. But, to be fair, this grade shouldn’t be about Peat – it should be about the Suns, who got a damn bargain. I have to be honest, Peat started extremely strong and then faded hard this season, but man, I thought he was a lotto consolation prize early on. At #30 he’s a straight steal. Sure, maybe he doesn’t pan out, but these are the best odds the Suns are going to see for a while, and they did it having very little value coming into the draft.
Charlotte Hornets
Grade: B
Assets Coming In: #14, #18 (DV 47%, 11th)
Assets At The End Of The Day: Hannes Steinbach (#14), Christian Anderson Jr. (#18)
Obligatory Commentary: While I won’t technically use it as part of this grade, the Hornets’ draft outlook got completely flipped upside-down by the shock trade they made the day after the draft, when they shipped off LaMelo Ball for Naz Reid. A draft that originally looked like it left playing time pretty wide open for Steinbach while burying sharpshooter Anderson behind Ball suddenly had Anderson looking to play and Steinbach looking to sit (maybe next year, maybe no-go) with his Simon LeBon tie tucked into his dress shirt halfway down. I’m lying, Steinbach didn’t have a Simon LeBon tie on at the draft, but MTV Classic is playing Duran Duran and I can get a bit distracted sometimes. Anyway, flipping a B+ upside down leaves…a B+!
Utah Jazz
Grade: B
Assets Coming In: #2 (DV 64%, 4th)
Assets At The End Of The Day: Darryn Peterson (#2), the complete inability to pick a logo
Obligatory Commentary: Jesus. What do you think about Darryn Peterson? Who is evil? Who is blind? If you want to give him the full benefit of the doubt, he’s a dominating lead guard, a uniform that couldn’t be taken off, who sucked in college because he accidentally and continuously overdosed on creatinine, resulting in muscle cramping that destroyed his effectiveness and moved him off the ball into a role that would hardly earn him a top-ten pick based on his performance. If you don’t want to give him the benefit of the doubt, he’s a massive walking red flag who didn’t play hard and who proved basically nothing, who tore the innocent souls apart and shoveled his conscience into the grave. For the time being, I’m going to partially give him the benefit of the doubt. Some of this is simply because after going through the grades on this “epic” draft I’m really, desperately short on good ones, though I’m not going above B here. Not when you take a guy with huge question marks with the #2 pick in a strong draft. Never, never again.
Brooklyn Nets
Grade: B-
Assets Coming In: #6, #33, #43 (DV 63%, 6th), Nicolas Claxton (2/$44)
Assets At The End Of The Day: Mikel Brown Jr. (#6), Joshua Jefferson (#28), Tyler Bilodeau (#43), Julius Randle (2/$69), a new-to-you updated logo
Obligatory Commentary: The Nets pulled off a really solid trade the day before the draft, upgrading Claxton to Randle and moving up 5 slots in the draft at the cost of nothing but sweet, sweet payroll (about $25M of it over the next two years, unless Randle opts out next year, but I don’t see that happening). Then they pulled the move of the day (for Kings fans!) by passing on obvious BPA Darius Acuff for the other Jr., Mikel Brown. Now, I don’t think Brown is a disaster or anything – prior to the college season he was widely projected as a top-5 guy and the first of the non-Darryn guards off the board – but I do worry about his attitude (man, you should have seen that scowl on the interview couch after he was drafted) and his back injury. Sure, he’s taller than Acuff, but height isn’t everything and now that he’s stuck on a Brooklyn roster with not one, not two, but three PGs drafted in the first round just last year, he’s going to have to battle for his minutes, and, man, I don’t know if he has it in him. The rest of the draft went a good deal better for the Nets, nabbing up Swiss Army Knife Jefferson in the very late first with that Minny pick and then making the perspicacious pick of Bilodeau pretty early in the second. Tyler can shoot the lights out as a bench PF, he just needs to work on his body a bit, and with an NBA training staff, I think he’s a lock to eke out a useful NBA career – all you can really ask for in the 40s. A good draft weighed down by what probably turns out to be an error at the top.
Memphis Grizzlies
Grade: B-
Assets Coming In: #3, #16, #32 (DV 92%, 2nd)
Assets At The End Of The Day: Cameron Boozer (#3), Karim Lopez (#21), Richie Saunders (#32), Isaiah Stewart (2/$30), 2030 2nd (best of DEN/MIA/HOU), 2033 2nd (OKC)
Obligatory Commentary: The rule is not “he who dies with the most second round picks wins”. But then again! See, this comment made sense at one point in time, largely because of the fact that the NBA draft now takes place on two separate days. On Day 1 of the draft, the Grizz not only picked up two seconds via OKC, but they also picked up three seconds via Detroit, leaving them with an excess of five second-round picks. I wrote the start of a snarky comment about it, because, fuck you, of course I did. Then, on Day 2 of the draft, the Grizz went and sent those exact three picks BACK to Detroit and picked up the contract of Isaiah Stewart instead. I’m not a math major, but even I know that 3 + (-3) = 0. And all of a sudden, this ridiculous collection of picks no longer looks ridiculous. But do you think I’m going to delete a comment about dying with picks? Have you even met me? No! But at least it’s an interesting story. The rest of the Grizz draft was a bit more chalk than I care for. Cameron Boozer is a great college player, and we’re all watching to see whether he can keep it up as an undersized Duke post player in the NBA. (One guy who DID keep it up as an undersized Duke post player in the NBA: Carlos Boozer!) But we could have predicted that Boozer would be the #3 pick in the draft in, say, January, so I’m calling this chalk. The Grizz played the Acquisition Game (say hi, Knicks!) with #16 and ended up taking Karim Lopez with #21, but Karim’s claim to fame is to be the first Mexican-born player to be drafted in the first round and if I’ve got a reasonable opinion about it that will be the only thing he’s ever known for. I would like to point out that MTV Classic has apparently switched to programming that includes a Norwegian Death Metal band making extremely weird noises over a video in which Jesus kicks over the tables at the Temple and I’m not here for it. I see. “Metal Mayhem” for another half hour. How many pieces of silver is it going to cost me to skip over this? Anyway, there’s also the question of Richie Saunders, the oldest player in the draft and also the only player in the draft currently recovering from a torn ACL. But hell, why not draft the kid anyway? To be fair, I really liked Saunders before his injury (which I think I watched live). He’s a kid who leaves it all on the court defensively – maybe not a star on that end but he gives something around 1200% every possession – and who can shoot the hell out of the ball. I’m just worried that the ACL is going to spell the end of his career before it started.
Denver Nuggets
Grade: C+
Assets Coming In: #26, #49 (DV 17%, 20th)
Assets At The End Of The Day: Trevon Brazile (#35), Bryce Hopkins (#49), 2028 2nd (MIN), 2031 2nd (SAC)
Obligatory Commentary: I don’t care much for Bryce Hopkins, but I kind of like what Denver did here by trading down to grab a couple of seconds and picking up Trevon Brazile for their trouble. Now, I was really hoping that the Kings would manage to pick up the underrated Brazile – one of the world’s best lob threats – with their second pick in round two, but I can’t really complain about him going #35. Brazile was a complete no-show on just about all of the draft mocks all year long and I said (in my head, when it was relevant), if you think that Brazile isn’t going to be drafted, you’ve got another thing coming. And yes, I then pointed out (again in my head) that Judas Priest didn’t actually know that the phrase is “you’ve got another THINK coming”, and then I began to wonder what this had to do with grading drafts and I moved on to the next team. Which, in alphabetical order (thanks, WordPress, for making the reorder work so so very much better!) is Detroit. So the Pistons are up next (for me), after a refill. I’m sure that Denver really appreciates this random commentary in their draft write-up. Well, if they don’t like it, maybe they shouldn’t have allowed their airport Dollar rental car to screw me over two months ago, hmm?
Los Angeles Clippers
Grade: C+
Assets Coming In: #5, #36, #52 (DV 63%, 5th)
Assets At The End Of The Day: Keaton Wagler (#5), Baba Miller (#36), Nick Martinelli (#55), Narcisse Ngoy (#57), a new-to-you updated logo
Obligatory Commentary: Before getting to the actual grade, I do want to address the elephant in the room, which is that the Clippers traded their way into a very very late pick and then used it to select a player who didn’t actually think he was in the draft. This Ngoy kid committed to play at Auburn next year back in March. But due to his age and the fact that he previously played under an international contract he was automatically eligible, which probably turned out to confuse him a whole shit ton when his name ended up getting called at the end of Day Two. As it turns out, the Clippers get to use this as a draft-and-stash, so I guess we’ll see how it works out in half-a-decade, now that the NCAA has instituted their new 5-in-5 rule and this 22-year-old international pro will be eligible to play in college until he’s 27. Have I ever mentioned that I love college basketball? Yes? Have I ever mentioned that the NCAA is a fucking feckless and cowardly organization that has spent the last decade desperately trying (and desperately failing) to avoid being sued instead of using their mandate to actually deal with the problems that face collegiate sports ever since they refused to face the fact that their beloved “student-athlete” model has fallen apart? Yes? Good. I’ll say it again. And again. And again. Fucking losers. But this is supposed to be about the Clippers… And the Clippers went and made a cardinal error – they drafted for position rather than for best player available. They should have taken the obvious BPA in Darius Acuff, who has some serious star potential, but since they’re already committed to the other Darius (no, not Rucker!) at PG they gave the garland to Keaton Wagler, a player who has the ability to swing over to SG, instead. Now, I like Wagler, but his value lies mostly in being a combo guard who plays on the ball with a ton of size. Take him off the ball and he’ll look like he did in the early season in Illinois before Kylan Boswell’s midseason injury…which is to say, he isn’t going to be scoring 40+ in a game, that’s for sure. On top of that, there’s a reason that Nick Martinelli stayed in college for his full span of eligibility, and it’s not that he couldn’t fully showcase his talents on a stacked Northwestern squad. Baba Miller is an interesting case. He only played for three schools in his four years of college (definitely not a record) and he’s dreadfully skinny and can’t score. But that said, he can’t shoot either (under .200 from three this year) and if he didn’t rebound and pass the ball really well, he’d be an afterthought. He’s still an afterthought. But he’s exactly what a two-way contract is made for. I hope he likes San Diego. (Aside: the fact that the San Diego Clippers re-exist as a G-League franchise is either beautiful or pathetic or both and I think it’s both.)
Chicago Bulls
Grade: C
Assets Coming In: #4, #15, #38, #56 (DV 90%, 3rd), Mohamedou Gueye (1/$2.4ug)
Assets At The End Of The Day: Caleb Wilson (#4), Dailyn Swain (#15), Nicolas Claxton (2/$44), Kam Jones (3/$7.5), 2030 2nd (IND, swap), $$$
Obligatory Commentary: The Bulls came into the offseason with a ton of cap space, and they used a pre-draft trade to fill some of it and to fix their empty C slot by “absorbing” Claxton to facilitate the Nets-Wolves trade. By rule they had to “touch” Minnesota in the trade, but nothing has been reported as yet so they’re probably sending some stale draft rights or something (Breaking – that “something” is the unguaranteed contract of Mohamedou Gueye – that would be the useless guard, not Atlanta’s useless power forward missing the “ou”.) To be fair, “Not So Speedy” Claxton is no slam dunk here – he’s a league-average big man with declining rebounding and shot-blocking numbers on a fair contract – but just filling that empty C slot using nothing but cap space makes it all worthwhile. In the draft, the Bulls went straight chalk with their #4 pick, taking athlete Caleb Wilson. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Wilson and would happily have taken him, but the more I thought about him I started to question how impactful he would be as an off-ball player. Now, I fully acknowledge that Wilson is a euchaotic nightmare out there – he is full effort full time, and possession after possession he just makes things happen. But of all of the top…well seven picks in this draft, really, Wilson is the only one who you can’t just give the ball at the end of the game and ask him to get you a bucket. He doesn’t really work that way. I will put forth that Wilson will win the Bulls more than one game next year on a late putback, he’ll play good defense, all of that, but when push comes to shove I worry that his impact is going to largely evaporate in the late game. Hell, I’m an idiot so ignore this. Look, I actually love him, but I see why he went #4 and not #1. The Swain pick…that one I don’t see so much. Swain is one of those prototypical long wings that GMs love so much, but here’s the thing: he can’t shoot, and if you look at his combine numbers, he’s not terribly athletic. He’s on par with Alex Karaban (not kidding!) athletically. Now Swain was also a very good rebounder, and that’s a skill that’s sure to translate (right, Thomas Robinson?), but he kind of does none of the things that you want out of a rangy wing. Oops. The Bulls opted out of the second round of the draft, so not much to say there. In the end, even with Wilson coming in, I worry that the Bulls won’t look back on this draft as the difference-maker for their franchise.
Cleveland Cavaliers
Grade: C
Assets Coming In: #29 (DV 11%, 24th)
Assets At The End Of The Day: Meleek Thomas (#34), 2032 2nd (SAC)
Obligatory Commentary: The Cavs traded down and still managed to grab at #34 a kid that some (probably unreliable) reports suggested had a chance to climb his way into the lottery. Now, that’s kinda crazy (not that he fell that far, but that reports suggested he could get anywhere within sniffing distance of the lottery), as Thomas was basically a creation of Darius Acuff if we’re to take Calipari’s comments at face value. Thomas is not an outstanding defender, he can shoot and score a bit if he gets set up, but he’s not an on-ball player and there are about zero reasons to think he’s going to have a huge role at the next level. Now, in the second round that’s no big deal and as long as he can carve out a bit of a career he’s fine, but don’t expect much more than that.
Atlanta Hawks
Grade: C-
Assets Coming In: #8, #23, #57 (DV 60%, 7th), 2030 2nd, 2032 2nd (worst of ATL/LAL), $$$
Assets At The End Of The Day: Kingston Flemings (#8), Zuby Ejiofor (#23), Henri Veesaar (#52), Aaron Wiggins (3/$25)
Obligatory Commentary: The Hawks were sitting in the 8th spot and had to settle for the fourth of four consecutive point guards taken. Amazingly, they got the one who reminds me most of recently-departed Trae Young, ratty hair and all. Flemings is a tough case – he wasn’t terribly highly regarded coming into the season, he shot up into the draft boards based on early strong performances, and then he just kind of settled into the lottery despite probably not really being that good. True, he had to share the backcourt with (undrafted) senior Milos Uzan, but that really only emphasized that he didn’t look all that good or useful off the ball. We’ll see how it goes, but for my part I was against the Kings taking him. In fact, before Brown Jr. started his late rise my position was that if the Kings were faced with Acuff and Wagler going directly in front of them, that they should trade down and grab somebody like Philon with another player rather than go Flemings. For one, he gives me the ick, what with his huge bawl fest after Houston got knocked out of the Tourney, and his “pick me” open letter to NBA GMs and his trashy “my journey” liner to his draft suit. I feel like that was a bullet dodged. But the Hawks draft didn’t really get much better. They took the undersized (but at least very explosive) Ejiofor at #23, but with Okongwu already on the roster he just seems duplicative. Veesaar was agent-steered to Atlanta or he would have gone much higher in the second round, and while that’s a point in their favor, it’s not a super strong one as Veesaar is kind of a stiff. I do like the Wiggins pickup as they took advantage of OKC clearing out an overpacked roster, but all things considered they had a lot of draft value and I just didn’t like what they came away with. The Acuff/Brown/Flemings/Wagler debate is going to run for at least a couple of years until they actually sort themselves out, but as of now I think by virtue of being last in line here the Hawks lost.
Detroit Pistons
Grade: C-
Assets Coming In: #21 (DV 17%, 19th), Isaiah Stewart (2/$30), $$$
Assets At The End Of The Day: Ebuka Okorie (#17), Ugonna Onyenso (#53)
Obligatory Commentary: The most notable thing about the Pistons draft is that they drafted two players, and all four names (first names and surnames) of the players they drafted began with vowels. That’s hard to do unless both players you draft are from Nigeria. Well, WHAT DO YOU KNOW? The only good thing about Onyenso being drafted is that (like a few other second rounders) he really allowed me to fill out the stupid parody song I wrote above. Okorie is an interesting prospect, but he burst onto the scene a bit late and if he hadn’t led the ACC in scoring as the lead guard on a pretty iffy Stanford team I’m not sure he really finds his way onto draft boards. But here he is, and he can play a little. He’s stuck behind Cade Cunningham, but he can play a little. I’m completely baffled as to why the Pistons would trade away Beef Stew to move up in a draft and grab a player to stash on the bench for the foreseeable future, but hey, that’s why I’m not an NBA GM. And even then, if that’s your plan, why exactly didn’t you grab Labaron Philon? I dunno, but this isn’t how I would have done things.
Golden State Warriors
Grade: D+
Assets Coming In: #11, #54 (DV 37%, 13th)
Assets At The End Of The Day: Yaxel Lendeborg (#11), Lajae Jones (#54)
Obligatory Commentary: The problem, they say, with Yaxel Lendeborg is that he has maturity issues. As one of the oldest players in the draft, that’s not exactly promising. Also he used to work afterschool at the cinema show. That said, he’s an explosive PF and the Warriors are counting on him being able to prop up their contention chances until Steph Curry finally fades into oblivion (“Can you feel it [f]alling? Empire!”). I don’t think he can do it. I think this was an error and the Warriors will regret not taking a chance on somebody like a Nate Ament. To be honest, with the productivity that Landeborg did show at the end of his college career dipping down into the Ds is a risk here and could look very bad five years from now. Well, somebody’s gotta take the chance of giving out a wrong grade, may as well be me! Anyway, who the hell is Lajae Jones? I do this shit as a hobby when I could be dedicating myself to learning ancient Greek and I have no clue who this kid is and at some point you’ve got to figure that maybe you can feel the (Greek) empire calling…
Toronto Raptors
Grade: D+
Assets Coming In: #19, #50 (DV 23%, 17th)
Assets At The End Of The Day: Allen Graves (#19), Jaden Bradley (#50)
Obligatory Commentary: Man, the Raptors could have done just about anything at #19 – for instance, they could have secured themselves Labaron Philon as their future PG – but instead they went analytics-based and chased after Allen Graves, who didn’t even start for Santa Clara this year. There’s not really a lot of excuse for this. Graves is basically a poor-man’s version of a poor-man’s version of Keegan Murray. And while Keegan is really valuable, and the poor man’s version of Keegan (that is, Kris Murray) is reasonably valuable, that next step down is worth a #39 pick, not a #19 pick. But the Raptors couldn’t quite stay away. Hell, not my problem. I will give them credit for nabbing Jaden Bradley at #50 – Bradley is a very solid backup PG prospect, who after having used up his college eligibility got drafted lower than he deserved. I don’t think he’s a star, and I don’t think he’s going to be able to fill the shoes of the PG that the Raptors didn’t draft in the first round, but he’s got value all the same and he mitigates that short-sighted Graves pick to some extent.
Houston Rockets
Grade: D
Assets Coming In: #39, #53 (DV 10%, 25th), 2029 2nd (SAC)
Assets At The End Of The Day: Bruce Thornton (#31), $$$, a new and completely inexplicable logo
Obligatory Commentary: Warning!! New Houston Rockets logo incoming!! Warning!! No, seriously, that’s the whole takeaway from the draft. Because I have nothing substantive to say about Bruce Thornton other than that Bruce Hornsby and the Range will probably play the same number of NBA minutes. So can we talk about this new Rockets logo? What the actual yield sign is this shit? There are (to be fair, completely stupid) discussions all over the internet about how to label radioactive waste such that future generations who come after The Fall and who speak some sort of pidgin Australopithecus-Neanderthal click language won’t try to drink it, and I think the answer is to just put one of these Houston Rockets logos on it all. Of course, that’s if you even care whether they drink it at all. Survival of the fittest, baby! Anyway, I’m pretty stoked to think that in some future post-apocalyptic language, that “Houston Rockets” translates to “GERTRUDE DO NOT DRINK!!!!” and I’m going to keep slowly poisoning myself with a pearl-free chalice of blended red. Nice.
Indiana Pacers
Grade: D
Assets Coming In: No Picks (DV 0%, t-29th), Kam Jones (3/$7.5), 2030 2nd (swap to CHI)
Assets At The End Of The Day: Braden Smith (#38), A new more mustardy palette for the same old logo
Obligatory Commentary: I like mustard, I really do. I like dijon mustard and I like stoneground mustard and I very much like the Beaver Sweet Hot mustard and I really, really, really like that hot Russian Honey they have at the Hotdogger that smashes your sinuses with a brick of horseradish, oh, indeed I do! French’s yellow mustard? It belongs on a hot dog, as long as there’s relish and onions to go with. I guess you can dip a corn dog in it. It’ll do on a hamburger if you really don’t have anything else. Outside of that, it’s pretty much not on my list. So I’m not sure what the Pacers are doing updating their logo to look like the cheap, bad mustard, especially when they don’t even have any draft picks for me to talk about to mitigate my unrelenting scorn. Can I give the Pacers a bad grade for doing nothing but making me angry with their new logo palette? With no picks in a strong draft like this? Can I??? Well, the answer is “no”. I can’t give the Pacers a bad grade for doing nothing because by the ssecond day of the draft they didn’t do nothing. They reached deep down and traded Kamping up with the Joneses and a future swap to get into the second round and draft…a player so short that he’s shorter than Tyler Tanner. Tyler Tanner is notably the Tennessee PG who made the very good decision to return to college after everybody realized that he’s under 5’11” barefoot and in the new NIL era is going to earn more in college than he’ll ever earn in the pros where he’ll have to play against actual men. Let me put this a bit more succinctly: the Pacers traded into this draft to pick Braden Smith. This is an unforced error. I’ll bet anything that these idiots don’t have any Grey Poupon to loan me.
New Orleans Pelicans
Grade: D-
Assets Coming In: #58 (DV 2%, 28th)
Assets At The End Of The Day: Jaron Pierre (#58)
Obligatory Commentary: Who? You had one shitty pick and you picked…who? No, seriously, I don’t even know who this guy is. God bless second-round picks, every one! And look, I hate to give out an D- based on this garbage, but it’s too strong a draft to cut you any slack.
Orlando Magic
Grade: D-
Assets Coming In: #46 (DV 5%, 26th)
Assets At The End Of The Day: Izaiyah Nelson (#51), $$$, a new-to-you updated logo that is kinda slick
Obligatory Commentary: You done fucked up, A-A-Ron. I mean, seriously, one lousy pick in the draft and you move backwards just to grab somebody whom nobody has heard of, and who, by his name, belongs in a Key and Peele sketch? But can we talk about the new logo for a minute? Because I’m down. This thing is beautiful. To be fair the five stars don’t really seem to have anything to do with either “Magic” or “Orlando” but I’m about 750% sure this is the best logo the team has ever sported.
Portland Trailblazers
Grade: F
Assets Coming In: No Picks (DV 0%, t-29th)
Assets At The End Of The Day: A new skinflint owner who sat out his very first draft
Obligatory Commentary: Man, that’s rough. Buy a team, make extremely poor financial decisions that convince the locals that you intend to move the team, sit out your first draft entirely despite it clearly being the strongest draft in decades, PROFIT! Yeah, maybe you read the zeitgeist of Portland wrong, bro.
Dallas Mavericks
Grade: F
Assets Coming In: #9, #30, #48 (DV 54%, 10th), 2030 2nd (PHI), 2032 2nd
Assets At The End Of The Day: Morez Johnson Jr. (#9), Sergio de Larrea (#25), Tobi Lawal (#48), Vsevolod Ishchenko (#56)
Obligatory Commentary: Ozzy Osbourne famously said “Mama, I’m coming home” (I’m listening to him do so as we speak!), and so did Morez Johnson after he got drafted way above his head by his quondam college coach. Yes, the Mavs went and hired Dusty May out from under the mountain of NCAA violations that were about to come his way and then they turned around and immediately sweetened the pot by drafting one of his three ill-gotten big men…and they probably grabbed the wrong one. I dunno. I’m probably going to shit all over all three of those kids, so beware. Actually, depending on how the grades fall out, I might rather say I’ve probably already shat all over all three of those kids, because you’ll read these A-F. All I can say is that there’s this large contingent of pundits who are over the moon about the Johnson/Flagg fit and while I recognize that there’s a skill/athleticism matchup I don’t see a center here. I also don’t see a small forward. So pop one up and play these two baserunners on the court at the same time at your own risk. It’s the incel fly rule. That’s not even nice. Is Flagg an incel? I don’t even know. Maybe. Probably not anymore, says Wilt Chamberlain. But, hey, there was more draft than just the nepo-baby. For instance, Dallas wasted their acquired #56 pick on an Eastern European whose only asset is that his name anagrams to “Involves choked hos”. And they drafted Tobi Lawal, whose only asset is that he allowed my stupid song parody above to actually work. And they drafted Sergio “Delirious” de Larrea, whose only asset is…man, I don’t even know what his asset is. This was not exactly a strong international class. The selling point on de Larrea is that he’s a 6’7″ point guard, but then it turns out that he’s not at all a point guard and suddenly you’re left wondering whether his mother cuts his steak for him and looking for excuses to not draft him. Unless you’re Dallas, where they don’t care who cuts your steak for you as long as you eat it.
Minnesota Timberwolves
Grade: F
Assets Coming In: #28, #59 (DV 13%, 23rd), Julius Randle (2/$69)
Assets At The End Of The Day: Isaiah Evans (#33), Trey Kaufmann-Renn (#59), Mohamedou Gueye (1/$2.4ug), a new logo that is not that much different than the old logo
Obligatory Commentary: The T’Pups’ car no longer has a huge Knick on it – the day before the draft they got themselves completely out from under the Randle contract by shipping him off to the Nets, having the Nets’ return bounce to Chicago, and moving down 5 positions in the draft. I’d hate this less if Randle were a net-negative contract, but he’s really sitting right at expected production for his money. I guess the frontcourt just got way too full for Gobert, Reid, and Randle to handle and something had to give. I’ve seen folks looking at this deal like the Wolves had to attach a first to get rid of Randle, but…they moved down 5 spots – which in some ways might be a blessing because that early second doesn’t get a guaranteed contract. Still, this sucks. And while I technically am not supposed to grade based on subsequent moves, the fact that they then shipped NAZ REID away to get the idiotic LaMelo Ball whose only purpose will be to take the ball out of Anthony Edwards’ hands…what the actual fuck, bro? The T’Wolves started with three pretty nice post players, and by a few days later they had traded two of them away, keeping only the eldest, and getting only a douchebag in return, and you think they’re going to get anything other than an F? But hey, let’s keep going. I mean, apparently MTV Classic’s Metal Mayhem is going to be going for another two hours. FFS. The Wolves used that downgraded pick to grab Isaiah Evans, the single Day 1 Green Room denizen to fall out of the first round…and who pouted his way out of the Green Room prior to Day 2. Bro was allegedly wearing $4M worth of jewelry (hopefully rented) on draft night and his dreams were shattered. He’s cooked. Done. He washes out 100% and ends up playing for a nickel on the dollar in Qatar before it’s over. Drafting him after that embarrassment was a fools errand in the first place. Then, look, I don’t care if you’ve got a nearly-useless penultimate draft pick in your pocket, you don’t use it on Trey Kaufmann-Renn, who pulled out of seventeen drafts in a row (hyperbole, don’t sue me) prior to his final college season because he wasn’t getting drafted. Like a AAAA player in baseball, TK-R just ain’t good enough for the big time. So what did the T’Wolves do right here? Nothing!
New York Knicks
Grade: F
Assets Coming In: #24, #31, #55 (DV 27%, 16th)
Assets At The End Of The Day: Jack Kayil (#39), Tyler Nickel (#47), 2029 2nd (PHX), 2029 2nd (SAC), 2030 2nd (PHI), 2032 2nd (DAL), 2033 2nd (PHX), $$$ and $$$
Obligatory Commentary: The Knicks shouldn’t give a shit. They just won a championship for the first time in my actual life, and I’m fucking old. But coming off that chip they’re focused on nothing but cutting tax space. The cheap bastards. I get it, the DEI executive stole your trash can and you’ve gotta make that up somewhere but maybe the bottom line doesn’t really justify gutting a championship team. Damn, I guess that Mamdani economy is worse than we thought. In a longstanding tradition of pulling the chair out from under the undeserving Spike Lee the Knicks made a series of draft-day trade-downs that ended up netting them a positive four future second round draft picks but no actual talent in the draft. Kayil is sure to be a draft-and-stash-and-forget-and-trade-his-stale-rights-to-move-up-two-slots-in-the-second-round-in-2045 pick, while if I had a (Tyler) nickel for every time a stand-still shooter made a dollar in the NBA I’d still be poor. Enjoy the championship, New York, because if this is the way Dolan is going to run the ship the Mets are going to be hoisting a trophy before the next time the Knicks do. (For reference, despite having the single highest payroll in MLB the Mets are playing .415 ball, are 16 games out of first place, and just today fired their manager. Like, fuck, them’s rough facts.)
San Antonio Spurs
Grade: F
Assets Coming In: #20, #35, #42, #44 (DV 37%, 12th), 2028 2nd (MIN), 2031 2nd (SAC)
Assets At The End Of The Day: Jayden Quaintance (#20), Tarris Reed Jr. (#26), Ja’Kobi Gillespie (#42), Maliq Brown (#44)
Obligatory Commentary: Another year, another chance to give the Spurs an F grade. When you have the best interior defender in the league, you simply cannot spend a first round pick on a guy with massive medical red flags whose only apparent value is as an interior defender. And I say “apparent value” because we never really got a chance to see Quaintance play in college. He missed the majority of not one but TWO seasons with the same knee injury. He’s apparently likely to miss his entire first season in the NBA to the same injury. What a dumb, stupid, retarded draft for San Antonio. But then they doubled down on it, and tripled down on it, drafting not only Tarris Reed but then Maliq Brown. Reed is a full-sized D-only prospect and Brown is an undersized D-only prospect. Somehow, the Spurs think they lost out in the Finals due to interior defense (despite having Wemby, the best interior defender in the league) when in fact they lost because Fox sucked. Fuck that guy, too. But that doesn’t change the fact that San Antonio completely misdiagnosed the problem. Hey, man, no skin off my back. Let ’em lose. Forever. Amen.
Oklahoma City Thunder
Grade: F(uck that guy)
Assets Coming In: #12, #17, #37 (DV 60%, 8th), Aaron Wiggins (3/$25), 2030 2nd (best of DEN/MIA/HOU), 2033 2nd
Assets At The End Of The Day: Aday Mara (#12), Bennett Stirtz (#16), Otega Oweh (#41), 2030 2nd (ATL), 2032 2nd (worst of ATL/LAL), $$$
Obligatory Commentary: Now I know that the Thunder can afford to throw around picks like so much candy from the back of a rusted-out van, but two potentially good second-round picks to move up one slot is a pretty steep price – and that’s before they spent their paper clip trade-up on…Bennett Stirtz? I mean, the kid was a solid college player, but did he ever give me the vibes of “take this dude right after the lottery”? Nope. But on top of that they wasted their #12 on Aday in the Life, a 7’3″ low-stamina stiff who can’t move laterally and relies on college players being dumb enough to try to sneak up a layup on his length after blowing past him on the perimeter. Now, I have to be honest and point out that at least a portion of my hatred for Aday is related to the fact that Dusty May tampered in his recruitment by sneaking in after he had already agreed to return to UCLA for a third season and offering his agent a huge bag on the way to ultimately winning a national championship. It worked, to be sure, but all involved are forever morally tainted and may their memory be shamefully erased like a chalkboard proof that a2 + b2 = c3. Anyway, as I’ve said every time I see him on TV and may it last forever: “Fuck that guy.”
Captain Factorial's Wheel Of Fish 