I think this year I may try to keep up a weekly roundup of the interesting stories coming through the NBA. Obviously there will be plenty I’ll miss, but maybe this will be a bit of a fun item. And maybe I’ll quit after one week and never do it again, who knows?
This week, since there were quite a few interesting stories to come out right before Christmas, we may have a pretty extensive one. In no particular order…
Item 1: Monta Ellis Thinks He’s A Congressman
Yes, it looks like Monta Ellis has been accused of texting his Anthony Weiner to a former Warriors employee. (BTW, does anybody else think the concept of ‘texting’ a picture is ludicrous – unless it’s ASCII art?) She’s now suing everybody whose name she can find in the phone book after being fired – which she alleges stems from complaints she made to the front office, who she claims is covering up Ellis’ camera-phone habits. Doesn’t look like there’s been much word since the lawsuit was announced, but this one might be interesting, so stay tuned.
Item 2: What Do You Call A Center With No Arms And No Legs In The Ocean?
Apparently, new Lakers big man Josh McRoberts does not like the nouveau nickname “McBob” (item 7 – hate linking to a top-ten list, but so it goes). He says that “some dumbass on a blog came up with it”. And you know what, a bunch of other dumbasses on blogs are going to rib you for it, just because you don’t like it. I’m pretty sure the accompanying image is Photoshopped, but I’m OK with that.
Item 3: Welcome To The New CBA, Same As The Old CBA
You may have read me complaining about Gilbert Arenas, Chauncey Billups, Dwight Howard, and Chris Paul trying to manipulate their landing places outside of the free agency process a few weeks ago. If not, it’s right here – worth checking out if only for the Meet Me In St. Louis clip. Well, so far two of the four (Paul, Billups) have managed to whine their way into the big-market, Blake-Griffin-having Clippers, and Arenas cleared the Amnesty Waivers process and is in the process of finding a big-market team that wants him.
On top of that, Baron Davis added himself to the manipulation list, by claiming he was out for 8-10 weeks, then suddenly being only 4-6 weeks away from playing once he cleared amnesty waivers and signed with the Knicks. Clever one, there. Almost slipped it past my column of wrath, you jerk.
Dwight Howard? Well, he’s still available. On Ebay, even. This one you’ll have to zoom in on, but it’s worth reading every bit of fine text.
Item 4: Jeremy Evans – Dunk Of The Preseason
Jeremy Evans absolutely posterizes Gerald Wallace here. Of course, the dunk doesn’t count because Wallace was in defensive position – and outside the circle. You’re really not supposed to be able to dunk on somebody when they’re outside the circle, but Evans did it.
Item 5: Kenyon Martin Un-Leaves China
Well, we all knew that couldn’t last forever. He’s using the old “family” excuse that has been effectively used to get waived by the Jazz (Derek Fisher) and somewhat less successfully used to justify not signing the best contract on the (dinner?) table (Latrell Sprewell). Well, Martin may have left China, but he can’t sing in the U.S. because FIBA won’t give him a waiver to do so until the Chinese season is over. So by “taking care of his family”, Kenyon really means “not making any money”. OK.
Item 6: Barea Says Bynum “Didn’t Mean It”
J.J. Barea seems to be a reasonably nice guy, and he’s not even upset that Bynum’s suspension for clobbering him in the playoffs was reduced by one game by the league (due to the shortened season). But he’s so nice, he says Bynum didn’t mean to do it. Let’s revisit that one, shall we?
Yeah. Didn’t mean it. Right. Bynum is a valuable basketball player, but he’s no humanitarian.
Item 7: Sean Williams “Leaves It All On The Floor”
Apparently Sean Williams had a big dinner because he didn’t think he’d be playing. And after being in the game, he’s going to need another dinner. Sadly, we don’t get to see it actually happen.
Item 8: Lou Williams Is Not Robbed Because He Is Lou Williams
So, dude was totally OK with robbing somebody he didn’t recognize, but not OK robbing a basketball player. But hey, McDonalds!
Item 9: The Raptors Are Top Heavy In The Alphabet
Somehow, they have no players on their team with a last name starting after “M”. Given that there are 15 men on their roster and the current distribution of NBA surnames, the odds of this happening are…calculating…still calculating…moving on to Item 10…less than 6 in 10,000. Not astronomical, but really weird.
Item 10: Right Through The 5-Hole
I’m pretty sure this is not the first time this has ever happened, but it’s still pretty sweet, especially coming from a rookie in his first week of the NBA against a Hall-of-Famer.
Item 11: The Roger Mason Boo-Boo
The whole point of the Inactive List is that you’re not allowed to put players on the Inactive List into the game. Somehow, there was a mix-up here. I’ve never seen anything quite like that before.
Item 12: What’s That About Low Effort?
Up 20 with 40 seconds to go in the game, Tyreke Evans tells Greivis Vasquez “not in my house!” This is a highlight block whenever it happens. The game situation makes the effort all the more impressive.
Item 13: On The NCAA And Sham Amateur Status
Simply a great (if long) article in the New York Times Magazine about why (and HOW) the NCAA ought to pay its players in football and basketball. A highly recommended read – I will say that I agree with nearly everything in the article, with the exception of the suggestion that universities should provide lifetime health insurance for every scholarship player – it just doesn’t seem financially feasible to do that, and the author doesn’t give any numbers. Favorable numbers could sway me, of course.
